I’m sure you’re looking at the title saying “what the fuck?” And, to be fair, you have every right to. But I wanted to talk about a friend-quaintance of mine and you can tell me if this is a healthy relationship.

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So, I know this guy. Can’t tell you his name, but for the purposes of this post, he’s the only guy I’ll be referring to. We met on one of those idle phone games and then moved to Discord. Long story short, we’ve remained in contact since June and we have a very odd relationship.

Why do I call him a friend-quaintance if we’ve been talking consistently for 3 months? Oh, because he doesn’t consider anybody a “friend” and I’ve given up arguing with him over semantics. But when he got into a wreck on his motorcycle and was home for 6 weeks, who do you think he messaged throughout the day and then harassed to sit in call with him while he gamed at night? I dunno about y’all, but I don’t usually demand the extended presence of people whose company I don’t enjoy. This guy just brushes it off and says I’m the most available, but he’s been known to leave voice channels and wait 30 minutes until I could be there to “entertain” him (as he puts it).

That’s not even the “toxic” part! I’m getting there.

During these calls, we talk about everything from hedonism to altruism to asceticism. If you don’t know those terms, I’ll wait while you look them up. But he’s definitely that person you have to warn people about before you introduce them to each other, because he goes out of his way to see where your line is. To his credit, once he finds that line, he doesn’t push on it unless you develop that kind of understanding. How many people are willing to stick around, though, when the only window in the room is the one you’re being thrown out of?

I happen to have a remarkable patience for stupidity thanks to having brothers and being raised by narcissists, so I openly admit that I find his antics hilarious. Sue me.

He’s confessed to me that he doesn’t have feelings for his partner anymore, but the respect that he still has for the title of partner is amazing. In my opinion, it takes a strong willed person to remain faithful to the person you’re making plans to leave. So many of us would probably just say “fuck it” and start looking around to see who’s out there. Not this guy. I’ve seen girls flirt with him and he side steps without missing a beat; which is probably why I don’t even try because I would just be making a fool of myself.

The scary part for me is how someone can be so emotionally numb that they refuse to acknowledge what’s right in front of them. What do I mean? It means that he has told me I’m one of the few people he can be himself around because he knows I won’t take it personally. That is fascinating, coming from someone who doesn’t allow himself to identify people through the lens of “friends.” He also knows that I would happily bang him into a coma, but it doesn’t make things weird or uncomfortable at all.

There are those who enjoy our banter, and some who actually feed into it. That’s when things get really bad!

Obviously, y’all are probably asking “why does this guy even matter, Roxi?” It’s because for the first time in many years, I’ve found myself questioning whether I’m reading someone correctly or not. To a normal viewer, you would hear us insulting each other and wonder if we had lost our sanity. We openly rage bait each other to the point where people don’t join public calls with us after 9pm. And if we’re drinking, run far and run fast.

We have scared people out of the Discord server because they thought we were too much. Do you know what it’s like to have someone to be “too much” with? It’s the greatest fucking freedom you will ever feel! To that person, you’re not too much. You are the yin to their yang! The best part is that person doesn’t even have to consider themselves your “friend,” because you’re smart enough to know the semantics don’t matter.

I guess my point is that even if your relationship with someone looks absolutely fucked and built out of red flags, that doesn’t mean it’s legitimately unhealthy. Maybe you’re just “not friends.”